Monday, July 13, 2009

Missing the girls...

Today is a heavy day. It is filled with anxiety for Marina and how I long for her to be rallying the cats in our house to be her friends...and I miss what I do not even know. What if she does not like cats? Or us? What, God forbid, if she does not ever come to live here? I miss what I have never known. A longing for a family, that might resemble one we used to have. 2 kids are noisier than one, and as a side bar I may want to rethink the craziness I am aiming for here:) But I love the crazy sounds and nervewracking questions and needs that constantly arise. I know because I am missing Caylyn too, who showed me the fun that we are capable of. and the love we are capable of. And we just need more I think. More kids, more nuttiness, more crazy is the heart of what makes a family. I bet Marina could use a brother to stick up for her, a mom to run to when she needs a mommy and most importantly, a dad who will swing her high and make her giggle. Then set her safely on the ground despite the pleadings of another turn. Please God, Please. Even if it does not look like I think it will, I know you will be there and make it true life. Adventurous as always. and good. Thanks that we are now the sort of people that would even consider this. How can I tell this story? Will you help me finish the first one? It is so hard you know. The hardest part is knowing how it ends up to now and having no idea what Caylyn is really up to today, anymore than I know what Marina had for breakfast 3000 miles away. Help me to be strong in my faith and patient in our waiting. I know you are in charge, can you just whisper what comes next? love, cathy

1 comment:

  1. God has led you to this point and to Marina... He has a plan. A plan to give you a hope and a future!

    Adoption takes so much faith! It is so hard, the waiting, not having control, the not knowing, the unanswered questions... and more. It is hard. And God calls you to it for a very specific reason... I pray with you that the reason he called you is named "Marina"! :)