Wednesday, August 19, 2009

time line

For what has felt like a long stagnant season of moments that did nothing to bring me Closer to Marina, it appears I was somewhat wrong. The wheels have been grinding towards movement even in the most unnoticeable manner. The letters I sent to the Governor, the phone calls I made in order to find out I missed seeing the governor, (inadvertently getting to know his staff) and then the day came when the phone call came with it. We were to meet with the Governor that afternoon. For the first time in our lives my husband and I were on time. It is hard to impress your entire life's needs in a five minute span while trying to explain to a man of importance that his own broken life has a purpose beyond what he could imagine. That is where the holy spirit takes the lead. And I have to trust that enough was said to release those points into the air of conversation. In 6 1/2 years the Governor of SC has not pardoned anyone. But he said he would be willing to re-evaluate his position on this fact, based on his own life's activities of late. I felt bad for him and I so want him to know that in time this will make him a new creature with a clarity on hope that is deeper than his wildest imagination. But only God can take the two thorns of wrong and allow for a lesson on love. I breathlessly await the day we know for sure what he decides...but we got a most encouraging letter that was short and to the point that he would look into our request...and then handwritten in the bottom was one sentence..." I was impressed with both of you" Wow. God shone through if that was Sanfords handwritten opinion of us. That was ultimately God's plan all along--for He knows the plans he has for us, not to harm us but to give us hope and a future. I am humbled that it was not thwarted by my own bullish efforts to take the reins.

As for Marina, she has been transferred to an institution but I am told that is ok for the moment and it will be easier to gather her into our world. I know it motivates me to get busy on her paperwork-I took a hiatus from it after spending 8 hours organizing it. Tully's heart is beginning to awaken to her coming again. I know he had shut down on the dauting fact that we had alot of hurdles to overcome. And he had shut her out because it is painful to entertain losing another child, even if it is one you have never had. But he is working harder on the playground he is building and mentions how he has made consessions for a ramp if the ladder is too much for Marina. Hope has a voice now even if it is small.

The other moving motivator is that the Ukrainian State Department of Adoption will close down in November for a 3 month holiday. If they do not have the dossier in October it could easily be february before we see her...and she will be 5 and she will have lived in an institution for way too long. So today I reassess our paperwork and see if I cannot align a few paper stars. Just in case.

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

Nothing new...but all is ok.

I just wanted to give some insight into something I have had brought to my attention lately. I just finished a beautiful study by Margaret Feinberg regarding the Sacred Echo. In relation to hearing the voice of God, He often has to repeat Himself in order that my density will allow it to penetrate my heart. He does this by sticking to a theme. But I want to go a step further with this idea and say that I think He speaks in a very personal theme, one that is so individualized to each of us that it should take our breath away. I believe he has a life message for each of us. One that shows up in scripture or random conversations or the same reoccuring dream....whatever method it is, it is special and full of the message of hope. Mine, I realized today, is OK. Not the sort of ok that is just better than not ok. But a solid message of OK! It is a kind of promise that has a special meaning not only because of the message, but because of the timing of the message and the portals it has come through on so many occasions. It is His voice to me speaking peace inside a randomly not always ok world. I wish I could explain this better. I wish I had an easier message to offer, although you cannot get much easier than OK when you are trying to put it on paper... It is the final difference in when I get to go forth on issues. I remember thinking one other little girl would be good for our family before we found Marina...even though I wanted to go forward , it was not ok at the time. When things are ok for us and we are in sinc with the creator, life is good even if it is going horribly. I find that we are on the right side of OK. It is hard to shake a joy when that joy has take up residence in the temple of you...and that is why this life is ok even when by earthly standards it is full of frustrations and waiting and answers we do not care to hear. I do know that no matter what, Ipersonally will be okay, because I have the promise that I belong to something more grand and beautiful than the here and now. Even the waiting for this little Marina, is taking on a beautiful anticipation that is building into some wonderful plan. It is all on God's clock. I have work to do here before we are ready to bring her here...and only God himself knows what all I need to accomplish before he makes her way clear to our doorstep...So I patiently seek the voice of God. I bend his ear and wonder that He can keep track of all of our movements, from plodding blindly into quicksand or danger to taking such timid steps that we appear to be stalling. Nudge me, Lord, prepare me as a field. (I admit I am not fond of the tilling). Make me a beautiful garden where life is a good reflection of an eden to come for all who know me and hopefull see you. May my own essence of life be a sweet message to return to heaven as I gratefully thank you for your being. Thank you as you teach me patience, the one thing that I will need excess abundance of as this life ticks around, day after day, minute after minute, closer to the plan you have prepared for me and those I love. Give me the clarity to be faithful to what I need to do as soon as you are able so Marina can come home here on this side of our earth to a life of hope as well. I know you work for the good of your glory and I thank you for giving me the brave heart to want to be a part of such a glorious story. Amazing. Amazing not only that you should consider me a foot soldier for you, but that you could find anything redemptive in our selfish existance that could materialize into glory. How much more ok can we get? I feel sure you will show us...
Give sweet hugs to Cay for us. We miss her so much. What a lesson in love and diligence you sent. Wow.