Friday, June 25, 2010

Not approved yet, but a beautiful post:)

This week has been filled with the sort of anxiety that I can equate to being in the hospital with Caylyn and could not change the way things were going, slowly and unequivocally not the way I desired.
When things should be different and the world should be different and life is terribly unfair to so many who do not deserve it. I pray and I am frustrated because I do not receive an instant different answer...well, I can hardly say instant now, can I? Marina has waited 14 months so far for us to be able to come to her. That is utterly ridiculous in a day and time such as this. I was so tired of being ignored by immigration this past week to the point that I was convinced our case worker did not even work there any more. I would never be so rude as to totally ignore a person who continually asked the viable question of "Do you have every thing you need? Did the papers all arrive?". I descended on our local Congressional HR Representative more than a week ago as well and SHE took more than a week to call me back, too. I went to the local field office for immigration and someone should give her a medal for dealing with me with the grace she had. I have been in that office three times for information-one just general stuff, one because our fingerprint appointments were not being made, and then to see what the heck was going on has been since June 1st that I expected everything to be there on the officer's is the 25th and that woman in the field office let me cry while I fussed about rudeness...when it was really just my heart breaking in frustration and sadness for Marina. So the lady wrote our agent and email as I stood there and and listened as she read it back...she was a good editor and left out the sniffling and other sounds....then I left. I got the call later that afternoon from Representative Inglis's office that our case was next on the desk and we should hear something in several weeks. I believe "blew a gasket" was the term we are looking for here. Evidently we could potentially wait 3 months after all the paperwork has arrived at immigration. And they are working on an emergency case...Oh really? Well I think mine is pretty much an emergency case. It is not like we are buying a boat or something and the delivery is off...Marina is not a luxury item that has been placed on hold for our fancy! Every day of not knowing LOVE is the biggest disaster in anyone's existence and sets each and every child back further into sadness and hopelessness. For more than 425 days she has sat around waiting on us. Because that is what they do, they sit. I had a mom who met Marina last month and did not realize it was Marina. The mom fell in love with her and sent the pictures to Reece's Rainbow to see if the child could be identified. The child is not walking and was propped on a ride on toy every day that she was seen by this mom. The child's muscle tone is very very low in her neck and arms and legs and torso...and serious doubts that the child can even walk... perhaps it is all the prayers for her daily, many times a day, that has kept the light in her eyes and a smile on her little lips. Then the information was relayed to the mom who had inquired about her...everyone agrees it is Marina. I have a new picture:) And the Mom who cared enough after bringing home 3, to inquire about this child too, is Shelly. My friend across the miles who is an amazing cheerleader and confidant and drove her beautiful family here so I could brush little Yulia's hair from her face and hear her giggle in person as she went crazy in the swimming pool, is the one who God used to snap this picture while in eastern Europe and bring it home to me, practically hand delivered all the way from Texas:)
I know God is protecting Marina, because I ask this of Him more than anything else through out the day. I need to realize that when I say this is out of my hands, that it is not. I have completed my list, and have freed up my time to pray even more for those who are involved in all of this crazy journey. I believe truly that we are next. Pray with us for Godspeed, undeniable Godspeed. After that terrible day of emotional explosion over not getting answers, at the end of the day something interesting happened...I was at the Vacation bible school family rodeo night with Evan and Tully and we were in a sea of children, I think I mean that literally, and we were milling around the petting zoo filled with rescue animals...and the phone rang from an area code from our state capital. The social services agent who has been pulling for us for so long, called to see how we were doing. It was the first time I had ever spoken with her. And just for the record, she found all our original papers that were misplaced when they were approving us last Christmas.
When it gets too much, really really too much, and something unusual happens out of the blue, in a way that timing is too specific, I can trust that God has used someone to physically relay that He is there. And He knows the insides of our hearts where we keep the hurt and anxiety. Again, we are so often the arms of Jesus for someone else, reaching out to convey love. Don't ignore the whispers to do something out of the ordinary. Her call at that moment in time spoke volumes more to me than she may ever know.
Praying for all of the children, there are sooo many who will never have a fighter come to their rescue this side of Heaven. I think often of the story, " I would cry out to God and ask him why there are so many orphans without loving parents to hug them and love them and keep them secure, but in reality I know He should ask us the same thing". This world is so upside down. I hope our next post will be of our approval from immigration rather than my standard lamenting.

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

The balance beam....

Proverbs 3v27
Do not withhold good from those to whom it is due,
When it is in the power of your hand to do so.

And I wonder and marvel that it takes so long to re-read and approve a document. I simply do not understand this elaborate waiting one in Ukraine does either as I am prodded to send a poke or two in the direction of the agency who holds the cards...14 months of waiting and filling out papers and chasing 25 year old documents and 14 year old documents and 10 year old documents....enlisting governors and enlisting congressmen as of maybe tomorrow or tomorrow or the tomorrow after that. I wait, we all wait, but mostly, Marina waits. And I will not do any more fundraising until we know for sure we are approved. I assume the officer in charge of our case has read our paperwork since she was able to construct such a magnificent shopping list. Now that the ingredients are sitting on her desk, it feels like she can't bake the cake for some reason. I KNOW it has been read already or the list would not have materialized. I know they are thinking of approving us or they would not have asked for the list of paperwork, they simply would have denied us. Every paper we sent them exonerates any question that our fines or penalties were indeed satisfied. And yet at every step of the way, someone takes as long as humanly possible to drag this out. It defies logic. 90 days for department of social services...70+ days for immigration, 4 months for the pardon and parole board...2 weeks here and two weeks there...for a total of 14 months and counting. I am tired of standing on the beam. I want the answer and I want it soon. Like by tomorrow. Does NO ONE CARE about Marina but us? Did I have to mention how much I am learning to hate government agencies? No wonder we have an immigration problem. Who the heck wants to use the front door? Nothing like having a bunch of people who are no better than anyone else judging and sizing everyone up through a bunch of pieces of paper designed to show off the bad stuff....

I want off this beam and I want what is on the other side...a home with Marina. For Marina. By the sacrifice of Caylyn. Like I said, maybe tomorrow.

I would transition and write all about meeting Shelly and the Burman clan but am in a funk right now and would probably do better if I went to make Evan some dinner...I would not do the visit justice right now...but will post when the storm in my soul blows over.