Saturday, December 5, 2009

Overload week

This has been one of the most emotional weeks I can remember going through since Caylyn left us. Long term little warrior David Wilkerson relocated to heaven this past week and in all seriousness I always believed him to be the alternate ending to what we experienced but with all the best choices and hard fight that family went through, the ending was a sad surprise to those of us still on the planet earth. His relapse manifested as tumors and went undetected in his bloodwork. So by the time the family discovered the life altering problem, there was not one decision to make regarding his care. I went to his life celebration and out of that great big church I realized I was sitting one row over from the third family group of our "club" ...The Kain family. Little Julia also has DS and has battled Leukemia. She was there and looking so precious I almost had trouble focusing on the event at hand. As I greeted them after the service it was blatantly obvious that they are the sole survivor of our group. Seeing Julia (age 3) was such a journey back to that wonderful age with Caylyn. You cannot believe how much kids with DS remind you of each other, despite how infinitely different they are. Anyhow as I was crumbling inside suddenly Julia reaches for me and is in my arms before I can fully appreciate the moment. Then she wraps her little arms around my neck and lays her head on my shoulder. I have never fought tears so hard and lost that battle so quickly for as long as I can remember. I layed my head back on her little shoulder and my tears fell as I remembered how yummy those hugs are. They are soul hugs, and you must believe me when I tell you that they encompass the heart completely. I looked up and her dad had tears running down his face. Then Julia went back to her sister. Over in mere seconds but one of those fine kodak memories that somehow remain timeless in a thirsty soul.
At some point this last week I dreamed of Marina. That she was sweet and could repeat what we were saying to her. Which means I could hear her voice. This was the first time I have dreamed of her and it was enchanting. For the last few months I have believed her to be in various institutions. Yesterday I received this email that came via Ukraine.

Cathy, Marina was transferred to an older child orphanage for all typical children. So she is doing very well and is NOT at the institution. He has spoken with her parents and they are very glad for her to be adopted by your family.
So he reiterated what I told can request only Marina upfront, visit her, know her, and decide at that time if you'd like to consider a 2nd child. You would have to request a 2nd appt at the SDA, go back to Kiev, etc to get thr 2nd child's official referral....
He says she is a beautiful child, easy, calm and affectionate.
There are no other children at her new orphanage with Down syndrome at this time.

This news was welcomed with tears of joy. I was so surprised at how deeply this affected me. She is doing better than I had imagined and my intensity for seeing her is not driven by fear for her well being as it is simply because I am growing to love her more and more every day. Today she is especially real to me and I cannot wait to see her. Evan was completely enchanting when I told him that God was looking out especially well for Marina and that she was doing well. He jumped out of his chair and ran and hugged me, telling me this was wonderful! I did not see that coming! He understands so much for a 4 year old. And he is looking forward to being her brother, asking me many questions that I have no answer for. I now have two peices of information on Marina. One is her photo, that is old. The other is this update as to where she is. Not too much I can share with Evan that is not speculation.

Our home study is nearly ready to go to DSS for their final approval. I have finished all my information finding and returned it to our social worker. Then it goes to immigration for processing. Pray for speed and precision for God's timing and reasoning for this rocky journey. Evan is sleeping next to me as i type this, having gotten up to see if it has snowed at 7 am, which it has not. But the day is cold and grey, something we do not usually see until February here in the south. Love, Cathy


  1. I think I said it before, but I am really sorry about the loss you and your friends have had to face. The hug from Julia made me cry and wish I could give you a big hug too. BUT, glad to hear that you heard good news about Marina. It still looks like we are on this road together :)

  2. What great news about Marina! I love dreaming about our girls!!!! I really think of these dreams as gifts from God!

    I am so sorry aobut the loss of your little friend. I can not imagine your sorrow, but your heart and its love and greatness shine through what you wrote.

    Hugs to you!

  3. I am so glad I found your blog. I lost the link for a while and I've been thinking of you guys often!! I'm glad you might be able to bring home multiple children. Do you know who else is with her? I am desperately trying to find a home for Aaron, who doesn't have DS but has a joint disorder. He's only minimally affected though.

    I've always been such a sucker for Marina!! I can't wait to see her in your arms!!!!!