Sunday, November 22, 2009

"Clarity Hilarity"

Ok lets see if I can explain this with a straight face. We have waited three weeks for DSS to give us the go ahead with their blessing to continue this road of adoption since receiving the official state pardon. I finally sent a short letter asking what in the world we were waiting on...which I never received a personal response to. Instead within a day or two of my letter the higher ups and lawyers of DSS contacted my home study coordinator and said she could go ahead and do our home study and take our 1600.00 but they still reserve the right to deny our request. Now, I ask you, how straight is your face right now? The only thing I can come to a conclusion over is that we are a one has ever actually bothered with getting the requested pardon so DSS has no protocol to go by in figuring out what to do with us. They do not want the responsibility of being wrong but will acknowledge their kudos when they are right, in the end. There is no road map for us to go get Marina. We blaze the trail, off-roading with Jesus once again. I don't know about you but it feels like there are land mines everywhere I step. Why is this so insidiously difficult for people to see this as not our mission but one from a much higher authority? We didn't get here by ourselves and we sure won't get there on our own merit either. Getting in God's way will glorify Him in the end because He will triumph but I am only human and I am totally going to look war torn by the time we open our arms to this small child. I can see it now...Hi Marina, I will be serving as your earthly mother should I last through the roadtrip to get you...
And speaking of Hi Marina...I went to church by myself this morning because Tully stayed home with Evan who was coughing his head off...and as I was listening to the music I got so caught up in realizing that one day she really will be here, God willing. I really will hold her little hand and watch her as the music flows through her from head to toe. The tears began to well and then fall. The sermon was on Love. The only change I think I could make to 1 Corinthians 13 is that love is should say that love is fierce. I find that my love is not very patient with the space that is between us. It is the same sort of determination that I feel when I know I will see Caylyn again and throw my arms around her too. Mother love. The kind that can make you crazy insane to keep harm from your little one, protecting at all costs. Mother bears insight a sort of connotation for a reason...Then there is Jesus love. The kind of love that can make you crazy insane to understand that someone loves you that much...enough to die for me and you and prepare a place for me and you, and my children, and your children...for all those that love Him too. What an honor to be loved by the King of the Universe. What an humble honor. May we be fiercely full of love and grace and thanksgiving as we celebrate a day of being thankful for all that we are, no matter where we are. Our opportunities are boundless when they are backed by God Himself.
Plowing forward. This is our journey with the breathe of God at our back.

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