Actually it seems to crumble as I am climbing the side of it now that I give this some thought. It has been hard to update this week since we were cleared by social services. I have never gotten so much as a phone call to explain to me what has occurred but from what little bits and pieces I can gather, social services had taken apart our home study to pass it around and read it. Albeit they had it for three months so why it could not remain intact is beyond me. This is the part where I write that they seem to have misplaced some of the papers. The certified ones. That are somewhat difficult to obtain at a moments notice. I have been lead to believe that USCIS will need the original documentations on these. I am so discouraged and sad, why can people not understand that every day Marina is not HERE she is losing out on opportunities to learn and be cared for? Children have windows of opportunity where learning certain things are easier when that window is Open...hers have been sliding down and closing each day that we are carelessly set back. I take some responsibility for this as well for some of the things we had to clear because we were once ever so stupid, but at this point my biggest concern is how much institutional damage has been done and how difficult to learn to love will it be for her? I have been communicating third party with the newer facilitator in our region in Eastern Europe and she does not have recent information on Marina because the director of that orphanage always wants an update on us and there is little that she has had to offer him so she has been avoiding the orphanage altogether. From what I have heard she is now very happy that there has been connection with us and will be able to talk with that director and give him the insight as to our whereabouts on this crazy board game we are hopping around on. It is a far reach but I sure hope for some more recent photos and maybe even a guestimate on what size little Marina is now. Evan talks about her at school and all the time here at home, trying to ascertain what she might know and what she may not. This has been relatively funny and sad at the same time. He did say that he might need to teach her how to be wild. I am pretty sure that is a freebie thrown in for all kiddos by God:) Then Evan asked me if she had any clothes or was she cold and naked. I wonder how that four year old little mind of his works. The day I found out about the lost papers incident I was distant and brewing a storm in my head, therefor not paying any attention to Evan even though I was giving him the MMhummm answers that are usually reserved for marriage talk. He flat out asked me, are you mad at me or what? I felt pretty bad so I sat down and told him someone lost some important papers that were taking away time to go get Marina and he fell apart and started crying! He finally was able to explain to me that he was afraid someone else would find the papers and go take Marina from us. WOW! The age of enlightenment has sure hit him earlier than it hit me, perhaps by about 35 years.
So here is my basic understanding of things. I believe that God is the creator of everything. I believe some of those things revolted because of the nature of power and greed. And I believe that there is a battle raging over our heads that we could not possibly comprehend. We are often pulled into that battle because we are the objects of God's heart and jealousy is as ugly as power and greed when left unchecked in these revolting little creatures that create mayhem and destruction on the earth to turn us from God. There is a chance that we will turn to Him as well though and that was the turning point for us that sealed the deal that we would never turn back. So now that we have chosen our side, the battle is to create doubt about the power of God. And disrupt our hearts. So as the mountain crumbles under foot as we climb forward, I know that we have been given certain abilities and gifts to navigate. And I can rest in the truth that whatever we can do, we should do. Whatever we cannot do, God will handle. Prayer is fuel. Fill'er up!
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