Tuesday, September 15, 2009


You know, just about the time I think we are getting to a point of "rolling" I find out we are still going uphill. It is hard to get up speed going that direction but it is the direction we must move, nevertheless. I know things are in the works but if you are not familiar with God and his divine sense of drama, then this sort of activity is not for you. Some days I wonder if it is for me, but I have never seen the ramp that says "Exit Here". Living on earth does not afford the view that lets me see the insiders view of the whole picture. I want to know where we are in the process but I simply cannot. I am mortal. So I can only carry the ball when I have it and right now, I do not. But by golly, we are in the game and that says alot I think.
I spoke with the Deputy in Chief of the Governors office today. She is a remarkably nice person and took more time than she should have to listen to my story. Even the part where I repeat that time is of the essence. She asked me if I wanted her to make a follow up call to see where we are. Dragging in a deep breath, I answer yes, and I am hopeful that I do not assist in aggravating those in charge of this crazy circus hoop that we must jump through called a pardon. This is not my dwelling ground and I do not exactly know the protocol for how much is too much with the Pardon and Parole Board. But God can manage the world without me worrying about every step so today I pray that I represented His will in the course of events. May He use this next phone call to nudge it even closer to allowing us to really begin to roll.
I have spent the evening painting sugar cookies we made in the shape of the letter A. The cookies are Evan's calling card because every time we are in charge of the cookies, we always paint them blue with the best powdered sugar icing around. This week the letter is "A" and we make the snack for 5 days to represent said letter. Monday was applesauce, tuesday was fresh apples in agave, tomorrow is blue A sugar cookies. With the two days after that I am contemplating artichokes, anchovies and apricots. So far no recipe is stepping forth to accommodate me. as you can see life with a 4 year old can be thought provoking. While I am making cookies, he is riding home from daycare with his dad at the wheel. Evan says he wants to get sick so he can die and go to heaven to play with Caylyn. Today at school they learn the "sign" for "Play". We have known this for years because Caylyn taught us. No wonder heaven looks like a good idea today... anyhow I think Tully responded sweetly when he explained that we would all go when God invited us but we have a job here as a family and we have alot to do to get ready for Marina who needs us to be here when she gets here. Then a long time from now, we would get to see Cay and Jesus too. Man, and I thought the cookies were giving me a hard time....
Last week it was a year and a half that Caylyn has been gone from our care. It hardly seems possible that it has been that long. Which just goes to show how weird time is. When you want to hold something forever it can slip away. Then it holds you forever in a state of want. In the meantime the world surely must be picking up speed because time is flying by, except on the days it is standing still. At this point you are thinking, time is not the weird thing here...

I got my passport back, and Tully and I will complete our health tests on Friday (his is done but results in 2 weeks). I will next acquire payroll information and documents regarding our home and the square feet and how many bathrooms it has. I honestly think people do not adopt because it is insanely tedious and ridiculous in some of the intensity of the questions. Followed by making sure you have a notary person in your pocket for emergency notifications which is every single peice of paper.

It is time to put Evan to bed. I think his heart rate is back to normal now that he has watched a little tv--earlier he had turned on the whirl pool jets while taking a nice bath and there was only enough water in the tub to certify the jets as weapons. He was screaming like a madman and it was really hard to look concerned while inwardly trying to contain peels of laughter. I cannot wait to see what all he teaches Marina when she finally does get here! His skills are mindblowing:)

PS I wonder that it is a coincidence that Evan's bible verse he has memorized this week is Proverbs 2:6? Only the Lord gives wisdom. Knowledge and understanding come from Him.
i haev heard it 50 thousand times this week and it gets more reassuring everytime I hear it. Especially since I do not believe in coincidences.


  1. What a breath of fresh air to get an official to listen and offer to help! Praying for things to keep moving for you! And I agree about heaven being a tempting option at times, I always say I'm not afraid of dying, it's the LIVING that gets me some times! Prayers for you today!

  2. I can totally understand! This paper trail is so much harder than I thought! And I thought it was pretty darn hard!

    You WILL get there, because God is pulling for you and guiding you! I read a quote in a book that talked about doing the paperwork because Jesus himself asked you to. Puts a much better perspective on it.

    Praying for you and that Marina comes home soon!

  3. This is the first time I am getting to your blog! I am sorry I have missed it all along...just could not navigate to it! I have so enjoyed reading, and reading, and pausing, and reading some more... you are a beautiful writer and have a gift for expressing yourself in a way that makes me want more...to sit with you and just listen... praying for you and this awesome journey you are on!
    Love, Michele, Adopting Morgan

  4. Thanks for mentioning your blog on RR. You are a good writer. I sure pray that everything works out for you guys and Marina.