Mother's day victories and defeats:)

Hard to believe it has been a full month since I doubled the fun of motherhood! The first week I found myself on the verge of hyperventilation...and that was the calm part of my days! To be honest I was scared to death I had made a crazed horrid mistake and jumped in way over my comfort level....and I had. At least the part about the comfort level. I felt backed into a corner and scared to death.  No one was happy during week one.  I was putting out little fires of unhappiness all over the place.  I had many conversations with God about His voice...and had I done the right thing? Had I heard him correctly? THIS IS REALLY HARD! I groaned.  He said even His own best kids acted up sometimes and He knew how I felt.  Sigh....no arguing with God was going to make this better.  But praying did.  And each day has had it's share of victories....and defeats.  Bentley hits Marina....Evan is irritated by Lindsey....Lindsey and Bentley hit each other....Marina and Evan are fighting over the door to his room being shut....or open. Bentley is still in pull ups and seriously I think diapers would be cheaper he goes through these things so fast! We are bribing him silly just to poop in the potty. (sorry, this is a real life story).   But each day gets a little better.  Evan has taken a huge interest in his little brother.  I think it had to do with the fact that the kids told us they had never been to a movie theatre...so we took them on friday night to see the Lego Movie--which was awesome! (everything is awesome...if you have seen it you get the pun....). I will admit it is difficult to sit through a movie with a kid who has adhd...but we did great and it was a great family journey.  Bentley got up the next morning asking if we could go to the movies again:).

They love church--both churches...and Lindsey said her first "grace" for dinner tonight! She was so excited to have done it! These are not "firsts" you think you will share with someone....but the firsts are surprising.  Lindsey and Marina get the giggles and fall out laughing all over the place some days, and most nights.  But to see Evan give Bentley the name " King Jr.." is really something sweet.  Of course Evan is King Epic or some such thing, and I call Lindsey "Rapunzel", which she thinks is "Brupunzel" and we are often all trying to figure out what Marina is saying though I always tell her in russian that she is beautiful...and she is. They all are.  I cannot believe they are my children.  I am stunned by their beauty and complexity.

 We have two swimming pools now- one small one for the nonswimmers and one big one for those who can swim...and we have a garden that has the cutest fence around it.  It is so cute it qualifies as a pinterest post! The yard is fun, and so inviting! There are two things that level the playing field for this brood--one is the pools and going crazy outside....the other is listening to the Newsboys on the radio about as loud as we can enjoy it. I don't have a lot of time to blog because I am still gripping this big blue ball of earth by my fingernails and keeping a smile on when I can remember.  Adoption is NOTHING like birthing a baby...it is infinitely more difficult.  And this is my mother's day:)  Off & Running!

Life can be beautifully messy!

This was taken mothers day of this year:) Bentley and Evan are my super heroes and Lindsey and Marina are my damsels in distress:) The little ones arrived on April 10th and it has been crazy since that day.  They are beautiful and funny and annoying and crazy....usually before breakfast. One is over the top medicated and we are working hard to bring that down to a minimum if not completely eliminate it from the existance plan. I do not like to think that a 2 1/2 year old was diagnosed with ADD and never given the chance to heal before the symptoms became masked behind amphetamines and heart medication (the adderall is a jack up med and the other two are a bring ya down med--hoping to break even so focus will come through...it's a sad commentary on how the government is involved in fixing "their" kids and someone should spend some jail time for it in my opinion considering that kids age and circumstances.) The chaos is real and the hurt runs deep for both of them.  Bentley can't walk by Marina without smacking her but his apologies are so sweet--it is a crummy cycle and she no longer accepts his apologies.  Lindsey and Evan annoy the crap out of each other.... on purpose.  I assume jealousy? Or maybe she is looking for a new way to manipulate her circumstances.  I am astounded at how these two precious children have learned to manipulate their world like professionals.  And every bit of it is based in survival instincts.  It will take time to build trust and create a safe haven. There are no short cuts for that.  Marina gets to go to camp next week for 5 days at a special needs camp and she is sooo excited! I saw the pictures and it is too bad I can't go:) It looks wonderful! Evan will go to camp in late July and he is starting to look forward to it once I convinced him people don't spend that kind of money on "punishment"--He thought I was sending him away! I am sending him to save his sanity:) We spend a great deal of time at Lantern Ridge pool and Evan and Marina are on the swim team there.  The little ones LOVE the little pool while the older ones practice twice a day so most days are taken up with that. For now it is the best thing we could have done to keep busy and balanced for now.  Bentley will attend child development center in the fall and Lindsey will attend school with the other two as she enters as a kindergardener.  I look at their coloring and their art work and they are definitely delayed.  Bentley falls down constantly and I really think his eye hand coordination never had a chance to take root--he never bonded with anyone as a baby when developing that black and white initial motion and facial recongnition since he spent most days in a baby seat.  I won't go into much more of their back ground or their current behaviors because that is not what defines them.  Tomorrow defines them.  Hope defines them.  A chance to believe and grow and live and succeed defines them.  Marina was no picnic every day after her arrival either. For that matter Evan has had bad days.  And we won't even talk about mine:) The point is, life is messy and hard.  I have struggled with being overwhelmed with this and with what some would define as post adoption depression.  Some days if I get the dishwasher emptied I am feeling successful!  Other days are easier.  Most days I referee my little heart out trying to put out fires I can't just let burn out--the rage is too intense.  The fact that there is a respite of naptime each day is a flat out gift from God.  And I do love them. My heart hurts for them when I watch them have no idea about going to the movie theater or having a milk shake..  We are settling in and we also have a long way to go.  Maybe the rest of our lives.  Adoption support groups is mandatory when I find one.  Mental re-evaluations are mandatory.  Therapy for all of us will be mandatory as a family.  Play therapy is on the horizon.  Scott is helping me every one of his waking moments but he has long 4 day work weeks so I am solo for several days.  We parent different and each kid needs different parenting styles so we have to work through that as well.  Following the voice of God is not for the ones looking for an easy life.  People in general are an inconvenience when they don't "act right" or exist in the same circle of behavior as we would like.  That is often the biggest problem in the life of most "christians" because helping others is without question "inconvenient".  But the rewards are great! In big ways and in small ways... these little lives will be changed forever and they WILL have a chance. Just look at Marina in 3 and a half years....she is a success at school and has more friends than I will probably ever have.  She can swim like a fish and she is funny...and annoying.  She still can't talk worth a hoot but we figure it out most of the time.  Right now she is sitting at my feet giggling her silly head off trying to get my attention....all of which beats sitting medicated and drooling in the corner of an adult mental institution in a war torn country right now. Remember the other path she was on?That was her reality until God broke my heart for what breaks His. I was on a different path along time ago too.  God adopted me and stuck with me when I was messy.  He is still sticking with me...and I still need Him...Every day of my life.  In exchange I get bigger dreams and wilder fields of living and the colors are brighter and we always 4 wheel every where we go:() I am still messy but in a good way.  I still get to be me, but by sticking within His set of boundaries, I get to live free....like I am trying to teach my little ones.  Live by the rules of the House.  Enjoy life to the fullest.  I will honestly say, it is not easy, but it is exciting and worth it. I do NOT have the answers to every question...even the ones like why is the sky grey? why is it raining? what is rain? did you know it is raining mom? is it going to rain today later? is it going to rain tomorrow? are we going to walmart? Coz we need an umbrella:) mama, can I stay here with you? can I stay forever? How about 8 years?  Well, some questions I have the answer to. Yes, you can stay here forever, even for 8 years:) Take a chance on something big before you lose that window.  Life is a one time offer, use it well.

Much change, fresh starts

It's been a year and 3 months since my last update. I took off from writing after I came home from a writer's conference and much change occurred the week after that. It was a time I didn't want to write about because I was learning my way by walking out faith through a grey time. Tully and I separated the week after my return... And we learned a new way of life. In many ways it was learning to breathe again because the very air surrounding us changed. I worked 7 days a week and Evan was no longer home schooled. As we were able to maintain, we learned how to work together and bond together as a working unit. A single mom status comes with a sense of being judged and expectations to be everything. I have a whole new perspective of what I see when I hear I am in the company of a single mom....A warrior princess who has no idea how to hang on to the planet some days. As time went on the kids grades rose. They are on honor rolls and Evan has been on the honor roll for the last year. He has worked so hard to overcome the baggage of losing his dad, though still with a long way to go. Marina rolls with things:) her answer to change is "ok". And she means it!

I am so proud of who they are becoming. Evan was accepted into Art Visions gifted program just yesterday. Marina can write and identify so many words now, it is exciting to see her really learning to read.

I came into being single with the attitude that I was devoted to being MOM but no more relationships. It would be too messy and I was done with messy grown ups. The chuckle from God was audible. I came into agreement that if someone came along to help with the kids I could welcome that.... It seemed a safe agreement at the time. A week later a man I work with came up and said he would be happy to help anytime I needed assistance with the kids or if Evan needed a male companion for any events. He was unmarried and had a back ground in Christian camp counseling from his earlier years. I knew he had gone to Bob Jones and was seeking a relationship but I knew his standards were through the roof- and I was not his type but had been his friend for several years.




Anybody else see where this is heading? I sure didn't! Sometimes God leaves us in our cloak of unawareness for our own sake just to complete his plan without arguments from us. But Scott persevered and committed to his offer to help....at a time I realized I was flat out exhausted. I loved working with him at my house to keep it from disrepair and we laugh a lot. He talks to me and coaches me and encourages me in faith and in life.  He is a non smoker, non drinker, non cusser. He is stable and loyal and has a beautiful heart. He thinks I am great:) it's amazing. The kids are growing to count on him for things I cannot do. We are in a safe place and a good place.

After my divorce was final I immediately updated my home study for adoption. I KNEW it was something I was supposed to do.  It was finished and put out nationwide to introduce me as the eligible mom looking for a boy and a girl....something for everyone haha! Evan has always wanted us to have more kids around. His request was that they speak English:) and he wanted a brother for him
and a sister for Rina. Seemed easy enough... And unlike Marina's journey this one was fast and painless...from start til now...in two days we welcome Lindsey and Bentley into our home and lives. She is 5 and he is 4.  Their birthdays flank Marina's birthday by two days on either side....Dec 27, 29, and 31!they are small from what I hear so as a side note if you are spring cleaning, yes I will take your size 3 and 4 boys and 4/5 girls wear :) we are all so excited we can hardly stand it! Life will be another sharp shift towards fun...and I have convinced myself they will play together like kittens.. The more there are the busier they will be in their own world... I attribute this to how much fun everyone has when they are together with cousins and how easy it can be. Ya"ll can quit laughing at me know...

It was amazing how the new little ones just came at the right time and the adoption board that was in charge of them decided I was a great fit...it was all done in three and a half months, and really a month and a half since I saw their little faces. It only takes one picture sometimes. it's all it took me to fall in love with Marina! And I pursued her halfway across the world. What a worthy trip that was...and besides God had the whole journey in the palm of his hand. It's comforting to use the rear view mirror when traveling with God....it is amazing to see where He has taken you and how He opened gates left and right just exactly on time.   Always what the enemy has planned to thwart us God ends up shining through...I have lived through that enough to see it a way more than His promise ( For I know the plans I have for you says The Lord...plans to prosper you and not to harm you!) this is His personality in action.

So all is alive and well and sooo exciting! We welcome prayers during this next phase for sure....that the littles would arrive prepared for a new life and unafraid. And that Evan would embrace his new leadership position with honor....and Marina would NOT boss them to pieces :) and pray for Scott that he isn't overwhelmed....I am still holding him to his original help offer:)
I will begin to document their arrival with photos and periodic updates as I can. Thanks for hanging in there with us! It's never boring:)

I imagine by now you thought they would be in college it has been so long since I posted:0 But here we are, the end of January heralding in the end of winter (all 5 minutes of it here in the south).  Valentines day is coming up soon and these two will help me fill out all those classroom valentines cards and wear red and probably find a way to consume an exponential value of sugar that could fuel cars if given the chance.  Life has changed a lot since my last post and that is partly why I have not posted....but truth is the only way to address life if you want to heal and move forward.  There is a christian song that talks about how families never crumble in a day and that is terribly true...but it does eventually take place on a single day. After heading in a particularly undesirable direction  for years, it finally culminated in the decision that Tully would move back north to Pennsylvania this past November.  Sometimes people have things they never get over in life and sometimes people have a predisposition to dependency issues that are genetic...and sometimes it is both.  The decision to break apart was a difficult one but one that has lead to some amazing healing for us 3 and I am certain for Tully as well.  I am sure he would appreciate your prayers through this time in his life as the change was really big for him.  There is no animosity there and I wish him the best life he can find. I believe he can overcome this thing that chases him and plagues him, because Tully knows the Mighty Creator but that battle is for them to fight now-we have our own course to navigate. I am sure he would tell you I have been far from perfect as well.  Anyhow that has been hard to put in a post for lots of reasons....but I will never be one of those Christians who pretend that life is all fancy since I "got saved"...it would do a great disservice to those in search of the way, the truth and the life that Yeshua has offered us. And even in the messes we create, there is forgiveness and freedom to live life to the fullest. Life is really hard most days.  Lately I look around me and even in my small chasms of work circles EVERYONE is going through major curve balls being lobbed at them.  Cancer, divorce, loss of jobs, loss of homes, wrecks, etc.  and that is in a circle of about 20 people.  If we represent the larger picture, the world is really hurting.  What I am personally learning (again)...(still)...is that we do not need to seek answers, we need to seek God. We get overanxious and all freaked out.  We fall and fall and fall before we hit the ground.  What we want are microwave answers instead of seeking God and trusting his timing.  If we seek answers we won't find them...but if we seek God, the answers find us. We must learn to pray through the situation we find we are in and continue to pray through our circumstances which will eventually change in time.  (some of this is from "The Circle Maker" by Mark Batterson which is a fabulous book on what and how to pray to the God of it all). Prayer is not for the weak who can't find solid ground, it is for everyone regarding everything because it IS solid ground.  But enough here...this is Marina's story so on to her life accomplishments.

Marina is more of the same. By MORE I mean that kid has blossomed into MORE bossy, MORE sweet and more alive than I can describe.  She is electric.  Happy, fierce, sweet and ...not so sweet.  She is so beautiful. I cannot believe how blessed my life is with her in it. The first word she wrote in English is Marina, the second word is MOM which she writes all the time now. She just turned 8 the week of Christmas but seems small to me even though she is in the right size clothes...and outgrowing them quickly just like Evan.  I took her to Shabbat service this morning at a Messianic church and she danced and sang through the songs in a way that challenges my sublte ideas of worship.  Evan is amazing as well.  He went back to school and took on the second grade as "the new kid" since I had to stop homeschooling him in November.  He has transitioned beautifully.  He is handsome and funny and may or may not have a friend-girl of which I am not even allowed to mention to him, therefore confirming it by his way of denial.  Only a mom would dare to write that in the first place:) He has not cried any at school this year and has a zillion friends.  He is beginning to rival my social skills and I am proud to say is also excelling in his school work.  We have switched places...where I used to read to him now he either reads to me or Marina.  I remember the day in kindergarten when he came home on day one and was a little disappointed that he still did not know how to read.  Yep, day one.  Well he is good to go now.  He has recently mentioned he wants to be baptized and if that is so, I plan to take him with me to Israel to the Jordan river where Yeshua was baptized by John (Yochanan if you are counting on me to use their Hebrew names...).  I was planning a trip to Israel this year anyway and would be elated to float the dead sea and watch the sun come up on Calvary with my kiddos.  The vacation is one of those tentative ideas which form if you work at the airport. Now I just have to figure out when it is that not many people travel to Israel so we can. Flying  Standby leaves us flying against the current of passengers if we are smart and don't want to sit in an airport for a week trying to get home. 

I am currently working two jobs which unfortunately run 7 days a week. The fortunate part is that they almost all occur during school hours or early a.m.so I am always able to pick up the kids and they are not inconvenienced by any of this.  A couple of days my nephew earns his gas money by staying over and putting Evan and Marina on the bus since I leave for work at 3:00 am two days a week.  Every time I write that down it amazes me that I make it to work at all...most of the shifts are short and both jobs are part time.  But it works for us for now.  Some days the house is messy and some days it is messier than that.  But I know what is important to me and right now they need someone to remind them to put their coats on as the sun is going down-I know they are outside because I can hear them howling at the moon, seriously:)

I have a short story that is part of a book on mercy that has been published-Echos of Mercy is the name of the book and is available through Winepress publishing.  Click the link to go to the ordering page. It is print on demand and takes a little while to get the book (not like going to barnes and noble) but I love that publishing house and would be delighted to work with them more in the future.  My writing has been on hiatus since adding that second job and taking over the household but it would make my day if you ordered one and read my story--heck it just feels good to sit here and write all of this down now.  I will be ordering in bulk soon so if you want to wait and trust me to link another address in the near future that is also an alternative plan.  It might even be a little cheaper, though probably not enough to mention. I also know alot of the other writers so I am excited to get one my self! The stories are all about a page long and are vastly different in style and content but all about mercy and grace.  and life.

Ok I hear the kids wailing outside LOUDLY and the moon is full and the winter night is cold and sound carries like a rabid coyote around here anyway, so before the neighbors come see if the kids are being chased by something scary, I will stop here and go herd them in the house (no, two does not make a herd so to speak, but the neighbor kid is here too).  Thanks for checking no us and we covet your prayers.  ~Cathy

Buddy Walk is Fast approaching!

What I notice is that EVERYTHING is fast approaching! Fall is just around the corner and there are many new family events on the horizon not just for me but you as well. I sympathize as we just try to figure out when to time the changing over from summer to not so summer clothing in the wardrobes! I wanted to take a minute and post our fundraising page for the local chapter of Family Connection who does an amazing job of unifying our community for those with special needs. Somehow I think we ALL fall into that special needs category but their criteria for membership is generally genetic so they have not expanded it to the world just yet...probably waiting on further information:) Anyhow I created a link to her fundraising page and if you can spare a fancy cup of coffee in her name I assure you Family Connection does a fab job of managing those funds here in the community. Buddy walk is a nationally recognized day of celebration for those who have Down syndrome to be recognized as VERY giving members of society. I could not agree more. Thanks for ALL the support that has come through for Marina and Caylyn over the years. None of it has been in vain and I am utterly grateful.

Marina's Buddy Walk 2012
or you can visit our widget link in the column to the right-> THANKS AGAIN:)

Changing seasons

I am always amazed when I open this blog and realized how much time goes by between posts. I used to post all the time when I was waiting for Marina to come here. Now life is so busy I let too much time get between posts. I am thinking perhaps I need my tonsils and adenoids out too. At least my ears cleaned out from being impacted with wax...because it has changed Marina's life once again. She struggled to heal and her throat was very tender for more than two weeks. She lost about 5 pounds (another reason I may want this done). But school has started and this child can HEAR better. This child can SLEEP better at night so her days are beautiful and not fraught with exhaustion. She has not had one runny nose since the surgery, which for Marina is a huge change...the child was green from day one. But that is gone now. We have a sleep study on monday but I think they will see a marked improvement, though some of the apnea is still present. Anyhow all of this amounts to the fact that it makes her happy to feel better and to hear. She has taken the high dive to learning and is in a perfect swan formation. She loves school so much that on Sunday she lays her clothes out after questioning me that she is indeed wanting "more" and will she be riding the bus on Monday? She has learned her alphabet, her colors and her numbers. Last night she was in need of something to do and wanted to play on the computer. I found a websight to a California public school math program for kids pre-k to 12th grade--Evan often does the second grade link so it was already on the "list" of things we can do. I decided to pull up the pre-k level for Marina since she was not having much luck with the game of solitaire she had started over and over. I thought it would be entertaining. I did not expect her to play for an hour with such amazing success! She followed the avatar instructions and listened to the rules, then played through every problem on three different levels of achievement. Wow! Wednesday she was honored at school as a Kiwanis Club Terrific Kid, today she brought home a note that she was in a fight on the playground....yep! That's my girl! It is so encouraging, no, a better word would be blessed. I am blessed beyond words to see her so happy. She is learning, and growing and "getting it"! Life is coming to her and at her and she is catching it and loving it. She is free to be Marina with only small obstacles such as reality and gravity. Each day I get notes from her teacher. So far they have been all about how great Marina is doing in school. I bet! Marina is putting in another 2 to 3 hours practicing writing when she gets home! She can tell me which word says mom and dad, Evan and Kiki and Sashi (the dogs). The other day Marina painstakingly wrote the letter K and came running to me to alert me that she had Kiki's name all figured out~I thought it was a house fire at first but once she calmed down we figured out the story. Her speech is still a struggle for her but she is getting more clarity in some of her words. She can say dinosaur but school still starts with P, like pool. Still, we are getting there. The animation she displays in her descriptive arm waving is hugely helpful and we rarely miss the point:) Evan is enjoying home-school this year. He is doing much better now but that first week had me questioning my judgement. After about 15 minutes of work in the morning he would ask if we were done. HA! But I have learned if a kid wants to be done, then even if you keep talking, well, they are done. So we break it up. Sometimes I just ask him to go ride three laps around the house on his bike or go find a rock with mica in it. It is as much for me as him. He is learning to cook a meal by himself using the stove and involving more than peanut butter and bread. Nutrition and manners are actually on the front burner as well even if knowledge and implementation are not always connected yet. He is happy to be home. I know he really struggled after Marina came because he lost some ground for his very existence in his eyes. I get that. So he gets this year to re-bond and realize that he is so very important to me and that God has a purpose that was only designed with Evan in mind. Evan won't be little much longer. I already see where he wants to be big but he is too little, and then he wants to do something little and he is too big. He is really smart but I think his confidence is shaken somehow and that is the primary goal to address. Tully brought home a plastic pellet bb gun as a surprise gift and Evan is LOVING that! It comes with a ton of responsibility and Evan has done exceptionally well rising to the occasion. I have a couple field trips planned--day trips to the Franklin Mint in Philadelphia and the monuments in DC...the airline job is a bonus when you home school:) I have two amazing opportunities coming up in October. I was chosen out of a lottery to attend the Captivating "boot camp" at a ranch in Colorado for 4 days. Since reading the book Captivating nearly ten years ago or so (can't remember exactly) I have been a fan of the written works of John and Staci Eldridge. The way they write and present just really speaks to me. Anyhow I have always wanted to go. And now I am. After signing up for that I took some time and filled out a scholarship application for a writer's conference in Albuquerque at another ranch. The conference is a really big deal and a really big opportunity for me. The scholarship was made available by Cecil Murphy who was the ghost writer for Don Piper's 90 minutes in Heaven, loads of other books and several dozen of his own. I was just notified that I was one of the recipients of a full scholarship and so I will be taking my rough draft book and hauling it to New Mexico on the wings of prayers and hope and apprehension. Those things usually go together I find. All I know is that I am going to have to dig out my boots for this next month of off road journeys since I keep being reappointed for the cowboy section of the country. It is an exciting time for me. I had a feeling October would be about "change" for months now. Seems it is coming to fruition. I have been in a "freelance" bible study where we bring no agenda to the table but a core group of 7 women meet once a week and find that we are generally on the same path of discovery so we share what we have learned for the week. It makes for a really amazing picture of how church can truly be--not the building but the total fellowship involved. Not to mention that when God speaks to a person uniquely it is a part of the whole picture/puzzle and we are to share what we know with each other. We have been through the Lord's prayer one verse at a time, who the Houses of Judah and Israel are, how we got grafted into God's story and how RELEVANT the Feasts of the Lord are. The old testament is a story of how the new testament is "played out" so really there are no uber surprises in there other than the way everything fits together. Turns out angels and their counterparts are real, and the entire time of meeting reiterates that God is anything but boring and stiff-necked. This is a time for Harvest and a time for knowledge gained. Having given this some effort and I have found that off-roading through the bible is one serious Indiana Jones type event. SO very much to be discovered and it is just flat out amazing. SO overall everyone is ok. OK is a good place to be. I challenged God 4 years ago that He would allow me to see joy again and I doubted I would. I am happy I was wrong.

Tomorrow is tonsils out day!

I am not sure who is in charge of my clock but it is on steroids these days. Time is flying off in chunks in my honest opinion. We got on a plane the day school let out and headed to Lihue Hawaii...along with several too many other folks! It took us some fancy routing but after 37 hours and a diversion of our own making to Maui we arrived where our clothing had already taken up the corner of the baggage office in Lihui. I probably won't get hired as a travel agent any time soon with my skill set. The nice thing about my job is that we can jump on any flight that has a seat if the gate agent is good at their job....aaaaannnd that would explain how we ended up in Maui for the night, in the rain, with a hotel that had no view unless you like chain link fence and parked cars. On the good side, Hawaii is still Hawaii and it is hard to convince anyone that bad things might go wrong on the way to paradise with kids that are the two best travelers there could be. They simply roll with it. Ok, once I packed up the baby dolls Marina had spread out all over the airport waiting area in Phoenix in order to get the seats they were giving to us, and she went a bit ballistic when I did not stop to fold the doll clothes but we recovered. I was kind of surprised that the folding of the doll clothes was an issue since no one folds ANYTHING at home. Still they love to travel and she and Evan were great. Tully got through that whole 37 hour escapade without once doing anything worse than rolling his eyes...maybe because he was afraid to say anything at all for fear it would be a flood of what I was already thinking about this crazy idea. Lihue was great, but seriously, next time I take my family to Hawaii, Maui is much more suited to the things we love to do, like not drowning in rough surfs. We did really have a blast watching Evan chase the island wild chickens around. He even caught several baby chicks! We had a great place to stay that we found last minute on craigslist in Kauai.There are several great things about working at the airport, and the one I can't get over is that it costs about the same anywhere we go in in America within a few percentage points since we fly free...so really, why go to Myrtle beach when Hawaii just takes longer to get there:)?? Marina finished out the school year with some great things going on, especially in her art and writing skills. Her language skills continue to stagnate, and that brings us to tomorrow. I know what she is saying but that does not count as regular spoken English. As a side note no one has ever actually seen the child's ear drum. Her ear canals are so tiny that no one can see if she has an ear infection or what is going on in there. I have asked the ENT to take the opportunity with Marina being sedated to get in those ears and see what the truth is about all that would, could and should be going on with Marina's hearing. Her hearing tests have always been inconclusive. As you can imagine I am always a bit anxiety ridden when it comes to Marina going in the hospital and being sedated. I happen to know first hand that hospitals are not good places to hang out no matter how great the staff is. Here is where you would expect me to ask for prayer, and here is where I rise to just such a request. Evan has asked many many questions as always when it involves the hospital and a sibling so I feel that he is working through the questions that always lie just under the surface. I am glad he has a chance to address these things in bits and pieces in order to have him grow forward. I am homeschooling Evan this fall and I am so excited at the opportunities we are making lists to accomplish. I really am excited to have the time with just Evan so we can get some one on one time because Marina is like a hurricane most days for met getting to finish a sentence. It simply dawned on me that I would like to talk with Evan again:) If you could hear the mayhem going on around me as I type this you would know what I am talking about. I had to implement a firm rule that a child only gets 4 "Hey Mama LOOK" in a day. I now realize no one can count whatsoever but I do get to say no, you had your times to make me look....I am starting to feel like linda blair in a bad movie my head flies around all day making sure the "mama look!" does not involve a dangerous stunt since NO FEAR has been instilled in these kids. And some days an I told you so just won't cover the big stuff... As expected life around here is as normal as the poster for crazy can adhere to. We just look like a normal family these days. It was really all I ever wanted once I realized how amazing it could be. Normal is synonymous with dysfunctional, right? Father's day was great today. The kids swam with their cousins all day (Hey MAMA LOOK!!) and the taller kids and parents sat around and chatted about anything and everything after a magnificent feast off the senior Dad's grill. Everyone is so tired I feel we will head to bed soon so as not to be late for the surgery tomorrow. I will leave off with a synopsis of my best conversation with Marina lately...."mama? I'm awesome!" Yes Marina, you are awesome!" To which she replies...Thanks Mama!! Kinda hard to argue with that one! We got a puppy at the end of the school year too, and everyone loves a puppy. I have a great video of Marina and Sashi but could not post it due to a program conflict but will work on that. It is pretty cute (Who wouldn't like a video of a kid and a puppy??)Will work towards figuring that out, but enjoy the photos as they are growing up fast just like everyone elses!! Love from Us.

My 100th post!

It has been several months since my last update and so much changes daily that you cannot imagine the difference by now. I apologize for the delay in the posting but my old faithful hamster wheel of a computer finally crashed and it was fatal...my nephew bailed me out with restoring my new laptop that had been shelved due to a virus with extra malice thrown in. He fixed me up so good though, that I have had to learn many new tricks of google chrome to get around and it has been slow going. I am grateful that by default someone can keep me in the game of communication. Anyhow here I am. Back at the keys with fun updates galore!

I remember recently when the kids came home and had to come up with a little project to underscore the value of 100 since it had been 100 days since the beginning of the school year. Last year for Evan was my favorite idea--we glued 100 googly eyes on a tee shirt. I tell you this because it best illustrates what I look like after 100 posts of Marina saving us:)

Marina is in love with school. Her teachers report that since the Christmas break Marina has hit the learning patch hard, and has really begun to shine in unexpected ways. For one, she can almost write her whole name by herself. She can sing the abc song. She has taken over the discipline of the classroom, often seeing what the teachers do not, and putting the child into the sad seat for their misdeeds. Seriously, I have it on good resources that these children stay where she puts them. I have heard the bossy side of Marina, and some days I stay where she puts me as well:) I made her a number wheel this past weekend since she was home sick with strep throat and needed something creative to do....I cut out a cardboard circle, divided it pie shaped into 10 pieces and wrote the numbers 1-10 in each marked of slice--making correlating clothes pins with the same numbers on them I wanted to see how many she could match up...she was polite. And quietly did them over and over, never missing a single one. She visually knows her numbers...she knows them on her fingers. She has the shortest little fingers anyway and when she signs "I love you" it is not without meaning based on the effort she has to put in to fold them the right way. She has lost 3 front teeth and in the beginning shock of that look, it made my eyes water to see her try to eat an apple...it made Evan downright cry because she lost them first. Boys are very competitive but seriously??? Anyhow Marina has fallen head over heels in love with me and I can't say I feel any differently. She never stops amazing me. She wants to spend her time in the kitchen cooking with me, and I know she is probably learning her fractions as we do that. At the very least she can prep foods with some of the best I ever hired when I worked the restaurant field. She also has one of the silliest sense of humors of anyone I know. I laugh so much at her and she does not mind, rather it encourages her. Last night I went to check on her in the tub and she was sitting there patiently waiting with a big green bucket over her head. When I started laughing, she gave me the thumbs up with one hand and a parade wave with the other, never taking the bucket off to see my face. She is adored at school and when I drop her off in the morning, her friends Mary and Candance come running across the room squealing like jr. high girls and throw themselves all over Marina...yes EVERY day....these are the same girls she puts in time out when they misbehave!! But order must be maintained. Unfortunately, Evan does not always get the note that Marina wants to be in charge, so home life is a little more conflicting. And yet, yesterday when Evan stayed out an extra day from school because he could not shake the fever that went with his strep throat, he clock watched like crazy for Marina to get off the bus so he could play with her. Seriously I think the biggest issue is the language barrier. It is hard to see her as old as she can mentally think, when she cannot speak very well and sounds like a baby, and is small in stature. The i-pad has been helpful and she can navigate that thing better than I can and now shoots her angry birds in the right direction. She has several language and speech programs on there and she finds them and practices on her own. She has an insatiable hunger for challenge, which is awesome, most of the time.

Evan has been doing much much better in school. He recently went through a tough phase of crying and separation anxiety that was heart breaking. It has taken months but we are finally in front of that issue I think. His grades are wonderful but he has yet to find a friend that he can really bond with. I took him to New York City this past weekend for a short journey where it was just me and him and we had a blast...until we both realized we were coming down with strep...then it was a very long journey to LaGuardia on the crosstown uptown bus, and a long drive home from Charlotte when we landed. I hope we can do it again when he feels better because we had a great great time. We bought strawberries and bananas for one man who was sleeping in a doorway and we talked so much about life and choices people sometimes lose control of. We took subways and ate large triangles of NYC pizza and went to the Hershey store and the M&M store, and did you know Toys R Us has a ferris wheel in it?? Somehow between FAO Schwartz and Toys R Us I got out of the whole extravaganza for 50 dollars total...including Marina's gifts that Evan chose for her. WHEW! That was amazing! The museum of Natural History was our original destination but he did not feel well enough to do that when we woke up on Saturday morning. Evan has so many talents I am looking forward to seeing how they unfold. He is a whiz at art and building things and techy things, and never needs directions for the hard stuff...just do not give him 2 verbal directives in the same sentence or he gets man-itis and falls apart. It reminds me of the dog Doug in UP,....hey, there's a squirrel!:) ...right in the middle of heading to put on shoes. It's ok. When we are one on one, that is not so much an issue. I have decided to home school Evan next year for second grade using the Abeka program. He is so much fun to work with and I plan on using the airline benefits I have to really learn the things we need to cover. I simply cannot wait to do several day trips to DC and study the Capital. He is one that will really benefit from homeschooling and he is really psyched up about it. He loves that one on one learning time and I hope that by finding a good co-op of students he will bond better with friends in quality rather than the quantity of 24 in his class now.He is also a Cub scout and we LOVE that his pack is so amazing. (Marina has turned out to be a find boy scout as well, never missing a meeting and staying at attention through the flag ceremony!) I would not home school Marina for a million dollars....I could not keep up with her!! (see the fact that it took me longer to make number wheel than for her to work it--it has been that way since day 1). I am hoping to move into a part time permanent position at the airport that has opened up in customer service. It will give me more time with my family this summer for sure. I will still have plenty of time to homeschool since I am assuming the hours will be very a.m. I should know today if I was chosen. If I do not get it and stay vacation relief, then I have most of the fall and spring off from work anyway. I have also taken a job merchandising the Kuerig coffee maker. I don't even know how much I make an hour, and it did not matter once I found out I got one of the machines:) For the most part I make my own hours which is the second best part of the job! ( I was kidding, I do know how much I make:)
Tully is back home from Pennsylvania and life has settled back down and I am really grateful. I was pretty mad at him when he was gone and I was pretty mad at him when he came home. Oh the joys of being together 20 years is that the longer you are together sometimes the worse communication turns out:) I have found that prayer changes things though. And I think mostly all those prayers changed me. Now I am really happy he is here and is working at construction for now, and I am looking forward to getting our team in the right order. Mostly where Marina is not pulling the cart or trying to run over Evan. Marina has trouble realizing she can love 2 parents simultaneously and Tully gets the short end of the stick. I think some of that stems from him being gone alot of last summer and I did so much with only the kids when they were not with Mayfield and Holli or Forest. Tully puts in a great amount of effort on her and the return is a little sketchy some days and wide open other days. He will do fine in the long run though I feel confident! He is crazy over these kids and that is what counts the most.

On a final note I am happy to report that Evan lost 3 teeth recently and life is good for him again, except it makes my eyes water to see him try to eat apples.

Once a long time ago, when my life was full of loss and sorrow, I found a verse from John 16:20 "I tell you the truth, you will weep and mourn while the world rejoices. You will grieve, but your grief will turn to joy." I all but mocked God and dared Him to make me smile while it was obvious my best days were behind me. He so lovingly showed me I was wrong. My heart breaks when I think that Caylyn is not here to play with Marina and Evan and me and Tully ...but with Cay here, there would be no Marina in our lives, and perhaps Marina most likely would be sitting medicated in an institution this very day. Now I know for sure that my children are all doing well, Caylyn most of all. This is one of the benefits of being a believer in the promises of God. I know that I know, and for sure Cay is not only alright, but doing far better than the rest of us. I also know for sure that I will see her again. There is only One God who speaks to the heart, and I am humbly grateful that I took His hand. It changed everything about who I am and who I will become in the life journey of walking to His voice. Never perfect, but enjoying the lifelong process of watching my children come to hear His voice as well, and knowing that the ringing of laughter in these happy silly children was His gift for my sorrow. There is healing in that joy. And when the moon is nothing but a sliver in the sky, I see Caylyn smiling too.

My 100th post!

It has been several months since my last update and so much changes daily that you cannot imagine the difference by now. I apologize for the delay in the posting but my old faithful hamster wheel of a computer finally crashed and it was fatal...my nephew bailed me out with restoring my new laptop that had been shelved due to a virus with extra malice thrown in. He fixed me up so good though, that I have had to learn many new tricks of google chrome to get around and it has been slow going. I am grateful that by default someone can keep me in the game of communication. Anyhow here I am. Back at the keys with fun updates galore!

I remember recently when the kids came home and had to come up with a little project to underscore the value of 100 since it had been 100 days since the beginning of the school year. Last year for Evan was my favorite idea--we glued 100 googly eyes on a tee shirt. I tell you this because it best illustrates what I look like after 100 posts of Marina saving us:)

Marina is in love with school. Her teachers report that since the Christmas break Marina has hit the learning patch hard, and has really begun to shine in unexpected ways. For one, she can almost write her whole name by herself. She can sing the abc song. She has taken over the discipline of the classroom, often seeing what the teachers do not, and putting the child into the sad seat for their misdeeds. Seriously, I have it on good resources that these children stay where she puts them. I have heard the bossy side of Marina, and some days I stay where she puts me as well:) I made her a number wheel this past weekend since she was home sick with strep throat and needed something creative to do....I cut out a cardboard circle, divided it pie shaped into 10 pieces and wrote the numbers 1-10 in each marked of slice--making correlating clothes pins with the same numbers on them I wanted to see how many she could match up...she was polite. And quietly did them over and over, never missing a single one. She visually knows her numbers...she knows them on her fingers. She has the shortest little fingers anyway and when she signs "I love you" it is not without meaning based on the effort she has to put in to fold them the right way. She has lost 3 front teeth and in the beginning shock of that look, it made my eyes water to see her try to eat an apple...it made Evan downright cry because she lost them first. Boys are very competitive but seriously??? Anyhow Marina has fallen head over heels in love with me and I can't say I feel any differently. She never stops amazing me. She wants to spend her time in the kitchen cooking with me, and I know she is probably learning her fractions as we do that. At the very least she can prep foods with some of the best I ever hired when I worked the restaurant field. She also has one of the silliest sense of humors of anyone I know. I laugh so much at her and she does not mind, rather it encourages her. Last night I went to check on her in the tub and she was sitting there patiently waiting with a big green bucket over her head. When I started laughing, she gave me the thumbs up with one hand and a parade wave with the other, never taking the bucket off to see my face. She is adored at school and when I drop her off in the morning, her friends Mary and Candance come running across the room squealing like jr. high girls and throw themselves all over Marina...yes EVERY day....these are the same girls she puts in time out when they misbehave!! But order must be maintained. Unfortunately, Evan does not always get the note that Marina wants to be in charge, so home life is a little more conflicting. And yet, yesterday when Evan stayed out an extra day from school because he could not shake the fever that went with his strep throat, he clock watched like crazy for Marina to get off the bus so he could play with her. Seriously I think the biggest issue is the language barrier. It is hard to see her as old as she can mentally think, when she cannot speak very well and sounds like a baby, and is small in stature. The i-pad has been helpful and she can navigate that thing better than I can and now shoots her angry birds in the right direction. She has several language and speech programs on there and she finds them and practices on her own. She has an insatiable hunger for challenge, which is awesome, most of the time.

Evan has been doing much much better in school. He recently went through a tough phase of crying and separation anxiety that was heart breaking. It has taken months but we are finally in front of that issue I think. His grades are wonderful but he has yet to find a friend that he can really bond with. I took him to New York City this past weekend for a short journey where it was just me and him and we had a blast...until we both realized we were coming down with strep...then it was a very long journey to LaGuardia on the crosstown uptown bus, and a long drive home from Charlotte when we landed. I hope we can do it again when he feels better because we had a great great time. We bought strawberries and bananas for one man who was sleeping in a doorway and we talked so much about life and choices people sometimes lose control of. We took subways and ate large triangles of NYC pizza and went to the Hershey store and the M&M store, and did you know Toys R Us has a ferris wheel in it?? Somehow between FAO Schwartz and Toys R Us I got out of the whole extravaganza for 50 dollars total...including Marina's gifts that Evan chose for her. WHEW! That was amazing! The museum of Natural History was our original destination but he did not feel well enough to do that when we woke up on Saturday morning. Evan has so many talents I am looking forward to seeing how they unfold. He is a whiz at art and building things and techy things, and never needs directions for the hard stuff...just do not give him 2 verbal directives in the same sentence or he gets man-itis and falls apart. It reminds me of the dog Doug in UP,....hey, there's a squirrel!:) ...right in the middle of heading to put on shoes. It's ok. When we are one on one, that is not so much an issue. I have decided to home school Evan next year for second grade using the Abeka program. He is so much fun to work with and I plan on using the airline benefits I have to really learn the things we need to cover. I simply cannot wait to do several day trips to DC and study the Capital. He is one that will really benefit from homeschooling and he is really psyched up about it. He loves that one on one learning time and I hope that by finding a good co-op of students he will bond better with friends in quality rather than the quantity of 24 in his class now.He is also a Cub scout and we LOVE that his pack is so amazing. (Marina has turned out to be a find boy scout as well, never missing a meeting and staying at attention through the flag ceremony!) I would not home school Marina for a million dollars....I could not keep up with her!! (see the fact that it took me longer to make number wheel than for her to work it--it has been that way since day 1). I am hoping to move into a part time permanent position at the airport that has opened up in customer service. It will give me more time with my family this summer for sure. I will still have plenty of time to homeschool since I am assuming the hours will be very a.m. I should know today if I was chosen. If I do not get it and stay vacation relief, then I have most of the fall and spring off from work anyway. I have also taken a job merchandising the Kuerig coffee maker. I don't even know how much I make an hour, and it did not matter once I found out I got one of the machines:) For the most part I make my own hours which is the second best part of the job! ( I was kidding, I do know how much I make:)
Tully is back home from Pennsylvania and life has settled back down and I am really grateful. I was pretty mad at him when he was gone and I was pretty mad at him when he came home. Oh the joys of being together 20 years is that the longer you are together sometimes the worse communication turns out:) I have found that prayer changes things though. And I think mostly all those prayers changed me. Now I am really happy he is here and is working at construction for now, and I am looking forward to getting our team in the right order. Mostly where Marina is not pulling the cart or trying to run over Evan. Marina has trouble realizing she can love 2 parents simultaneously and Tully gets the short end of the stick. I think some of that stems from him being gone alot of last summer and I did so much with only the kids when they were not with Mayfield and Holli or Forest. Tully puts in a great amount of effort on her and the return is a little sketchy some days and wide open other days. He will do fine in the long run though I feel confident! He is crazy over these kids and that is what counts the most.

On a final note I am happy to report that Evan lost 3 teeth recently and life is good for him again, except it makes my eyes water to see him try to eat apples.

Once a long time ago, when my life was full of loss and sorrow, I found a verse from John 16:20 "I tell you the truth, you will weep and mourn while the world rejoices. You will grieve, but your grief will turn to joy." I all but mocked God and dared Him to make me smile while it was obvious my best days were behind me. He so lovingly showed me I was wrong. My heart breaks when I think that Caylyn is not here to play with Marina and Evan and me and Tully ...but with Cay here, there would be no Marina in our lives, and perhaps Marina most likely would be sitting medicated in an institution this very day. Now I know for sure that my children are all doing well, Caylyn most of all. This is one of the benefits of being a believer in the promises of God. I know that I know, and for sure Cay is not only alright, but doing far better than the rest of us. I also know for sure that I will see her again. There is only One God who speaks to the heart, and I am humbly grateful that I took His hand. It changed everything about who I am and who I will become in the life journey of walking to His voice. Never perfect, but enjoying the lifelong process of watching my children come to hear His voice as well, and knowing that the ringing of laughter in these happy silly children was His gift for my sorrow. There is healing in that joy. And when the moon is nothing but a sliver in the sky, I see Caylyn smiling too.

Yes it is Gotcha anniversary for Marina! Happy Bachman Birthday 1 year!

I am posting Mel Dellanos' rendition of our events with a comment by me at the end. It is a reflection of "that day". I can tell you since I have experienced both child birth and paper birth, that the emotions are incredibly similar, and the pains that accompany each individual event are no worse for one than the other. I love Marina as much as I love Evan, and that is more than I can put into words...

TUESDAY, NOVEMBER 15, 2011

What were you doing on Tuesday, November 16th, 2010??
Last year, November 16th was a Tuesday. Most people wouldn’t know that, or really care much because it was just another day but I will never ever forget it. I had barely slept the night before because I knew what that day meant. Cathy, Tully, & I had a lot of things to do, we had to pick up the passports, we had to finish packing, and cleaning the apartment (the landlady already hated us so we wanted to make sure not to leave too much of a mess for her to reinforce that opinion LOL!)… then we each had to go to the orphanages and pick up our children, forever changing their lives and all that they knew.

Last year, this day, Tuesday, was Gotcha Day. The day that Marina Hope Bachman & Timothy Danil DeLlanos would leave the orphanage forever in the arms of their Mommas.

The plan that day was for us to go to our regular morning visits. I decided not to go though because it would be just me and Timothy from that day on for the rest of our trip, and because I wanted him to have a little more time with his groupa/friends although he didn’t really know it at the time, and I wonder how much he remembers anyway. LOL I took the time to rest, pack, and finish up last minute things. We all had lunch at the apartment, and at 1 pm Roman picked us up and we headed for the Passport office. Tully & Evan stayed at the apartment.

When we got to the passport office, we had to wait a few minutes. Roman was our translator/facilitator for this errand since Marina (our actual facilitator) was in a different city with another family for their court date. We had been given some papers to hand over in exchange for the children’s passports. We gave them the requested papers, and continued to wait. We were taken to a tiny office and told to sit. We sat. There were three ladies there, one of them was speaking pretty excitedly to Roman, complete with some hand gestures and scary facial expressions. Cathy whispered that something was wrong. She just knew they decided to keep Marina (the child) and weren’t going to give her the passport. Of course, this was sarcasm, and totally said in jest. Nevertheless, we could tell something was wrong. Roman was a pale color, and was talking to the lady in a pleading tone. Then, our suspicions were confirmed when he called Marina and had HER talk to the passport lady. Of course, Cathy and I were sitting there in the dark, and Roman finally (out of the corner of his mouth(as if they would understand him! Hehe)) said, the name on Marina Bachman’s paper from the orphanage was wrong. Before they would give her passport over, it needed to be redone. This would mean going all the way back across town, hoping that the right person was available to get the paper redone, and coming back to the passport office all within about a 30 minute window so we wouldn’t miss the 5pm train which we already had tickets bought for. Now, anyone who’s been to Ukraine knows that such a feat is NOT gonna happen!! Traffic & timing are two things that are NUTS there! So, all we could do is pray. In the meantime, Marina was working her magic. Promising that she would be back to the city that night and would get the paperwork snafu taken care of ASAP if they would just PLEASE give us the passports. I’m not sure what she said to the lady (and I don’t think I wanna know!) but she reluctantly hung up the phone and proceeded with the “check out” process so we could take the passports. When they finally handed them over, Roman ushered us out quickly joking that we needed to hurry before they changed their minds! Lol

Once we were safely back in the car and headed back to the other side of town, Cathy and I finally breathed again, and we also noticed a HUGE vibrant rainbow in the sky… God’s Promise. Very appropriate for us at that moment, and one more thing to make the day memorable. We were so relieved that we were laughing, and crying. LOL

We went back to the apartment where we loaded up two vehicles and parted ways temporarily. My driver took me to Timothy’s baby house, to get Timothy, and Roman took the Bachmans to get Marina from her orphanage.
I’ll never forget the emotions, and the relief I felt that afternoon as I walked into the baby house for the last time… we did what needed to be done, and had a couple of tearful good byes with nannies and the head nurse (Tatiana) and walked back through the big grey metal gate for the last time. The weather was misty and cold, and it was cloudy. We headed to the train station and to freedom for a sweet little boy who had NO idea what was in store for him!!

When I think about that day, it’s still so fresh, I can remember the feelings, the sights, the smells… I remember the panic of thinking that the Bachmans might not get to leave with me & Timothy, the relief when we got the passports, saying goodbye to Roman, my very own security rabbit, and the train ride to Kiev, Nico’s face when he saw/remembered all the bags we had… getting to the apartment and being in awe of how great it was… the kids’ first baths… it was a long day, but one that I will never forget. It was my first day of being Timothy’s caretaker.


It was our Gotcha Day. A day that changed the course of our lives forever. Happy Gotcha Day to our sweet little son. We love you more and more each day!!

And My response:
Ah, I must add that when we parted ways for you to go get Timothy, and we went to Marina across the street from our apartment, there she was, sitting in a little chair in her "room". She looked bored as the nanny brushed her hair and brushed her hair...and brushed her hair. Then Marina gave up her orphanage clothes even the underwear and put on the new dress and stockings and fancy panties and coat and scarf and little red beret, and you could see she felt beautiful. We took a hundred photos since it was the first time we had actually all seen her room and all her friends were sitting around a table having cookies and milk. Then we met the staff at the front door, and choked back tears at the bonds that we formed in such a short time, bonded by the process of handing over a life that truth be told they never intended to watch over for so long:) But I could see they loved her and wished her well. We got in the car, Roman at the wheel, and headed to the train station with no extra moments to spare. Of course we were behind a wreck, and little Marina began to cry...sob, and she just fell apart. We were so sad for her! But Roman spoke sweetly and quietly for about 5 minutes to her, all in Russian, and she stopped crying. I will always wonder about what he told her, but I am not sure he could have told me in english. Marina never cried like that again so I assume she believed him and we somehow proved him true to his words. He really is a security rabbit! Journeying with Mel made all the difference as we were able to help each other and combine our funds to obtain one amazing apartment! Never mind how awesome it is to share the rebirth of a child with someone who has such a heart for going the distance too. I remember the sheer glee at getting to cut the kids free in the giant bathtub and Marina taking about 6 baths a day because she could. I remember thinking if Timothy turned off the light or the tv one more time....but I had no way to finish the sentence with recourse, because he had already done it 3 more times by the middle of my thoughts! Like a precious little puppy, God made Timothy too cute to have mean thoughts about:) I can never forget the friend I found in Mel, the friends I love in Ukraine, and the lives of Timothy and Marina who are now on vastly different paths than they were pointed. Where would they be now if we had not gone? I for one, would still have a giant hole in my heart. It is still broken but heals more every time I hear Marina laugh. And the cracks are now like stained glass, they let the light shine through in an interesting pattern. Thank you Mel for posting our memories. You did an amazing job. Probably because you are an amazing person. Love, Cathy

Nearly a year has gone by....

and I can hardly believe the changes in Marina, and Evan too for that matter. Just yesterday Marina and Evan were headed to the car pool line to get in my car and Marina was just full of herself! Evan looked totally dejected and on the edge of tears...this has all been brought about because Marina lost yet another tooth yesterday! Evan's are loose, but Marina does not say a word about her teeth being loose and before you know it, she has two missing from the front and another that will come out this week on the bottom. This is devastation for a 6 year old boy for some reason. It is now his obsession so I feel sure he will wiggle his own tooth out this week as well. I am simply thankful that apple season came early and halloween is over...these kids love apples and are starting to look like little jack o lanterns! I have noticed Marina being much less feisty in the last couple of weeks. Less spitting, less lashing out...and FULL of hugs and love. She signs she loves me when she heads to the swingset out the back door. Evan has taught her this and I am grateful. I sit here typing and I am full of LOVE for these two amazing children who tenderize my heart just looking at them. I used to keep a verse in my bathroom taped to the mirror about how sorrow would be replaced by joy. I actually got it from a church mission group who came to the hospital during Cay's leukemia battle and church missionaries brought things to strangers who were there (maybe toiletries or something like that) and anyhow this handwritten verse was tucked in whatever it was that I got. I found it in my things after we left the hospital and Cay had used another portal to exit...so I taped it to my mirror in the bathroom and I cannot tell you how many times I mocked that verse and begged God to make it happen at the same time. Well, it has happened. Yes I see Caylyn when I look at Marina...and had I known Marina existed, I would have seen her when I looked at Cay. They are terribly similar, and vastly different. Yes, joy has replaced my sorrow. There are things I am sure of now that have become rock solid within. I am sure Caylyn is safe and a mighty force still being used by God. I am sure Marina is safe and a mighty force being used by God...and I am seeing adoption take root in my son's heart as a true concern and I really hope it will shape how he changes the world as well, because I know he is going to. We all do in some way every single day.
So we have been busy as always. Evan is a tiger cub scout and Marina would not miss a scout meeting if the sky were falling...the kids are doing well in school too. We went to San Juan on a quick 3 day trip last week when the kids had an extra day off (groupon coupons rock!)The leaves had started to change and the nights were cold and we had not been to the beach as a family all year, so we hopped on a plane and enjoyed simply building castles and jumping waves. I could not tell you much about the country other than the water is perfect and the hotel was 5 minutes from the airport. Both kids had runny noses when we left, and the ocean was the remedy that healed most of that! I feel sure it was the least expensive trip we have ever gone on. It is because of this perk that I love my job at USAir! Marina attended her first Buddy walk and took to the front of the line for photos (shocking!!). We have attended Rachels Run and spoken to families about reaching out to make a difference.
I personally have battled and battled with the fact that our USCIS immigration approval will expire in December for adopting a second child from Ukraine and it is killing me inside that we are leaving someone behind. Yes, I can start over but WHY? Tully has said not right now and it is not sitting well with me at all. I have such a restlessness about this. But it seems like it will not be anything I can fix at this juncture in time. I cannot extend our time without another home study, and that window is closing fast since it has to go through DSS again. I would appreciate prayers for peace over this. I am working in other ways though to make a difference as opportunities arise. I have been part of a growing orphan ministry at our church and we will officially launch this soon which is very exciting! I hope to host a shoe drive for orphans pretty soon. I went to Jim DeMints conference on orphans and adoption and it was totally amazing. I found a post yesterday from another mom and I will add it here: I think it is similar to how I feel about urgency. If it does not show up which is often the case with blogger for some reason, go to nogreaterjoymom.com and spend a minute with words from Adeye--she is really amazing. So I am one but there are more. Maybe God will channel some of this mad hatter feeling in me about the obvious fact that every month even here in South Carolina 60 children will age out of the foster system without a permanent family they can count on...what do those kids do for holidays and hope and strength now that the state has graduated them to the street? And you wonder why the jails are full of youth? Were YOU ready to live life on your own at 18? Why has the church turned over the command to care for orphans and widows to the state and when will we reclaim this as our right and responsibility? Honestly I promise this is not where I thought this post was headed...but these are things that we have to stop turning our eyes away from. 147 million orphans worldwide is an epidemic. It is in our back yard as well as across the oceans where we do not let our minds wander for long because we want to scamper back to where it is safe here in America and we do not treat our orphans poorly, do we? Do we? And yet you know we do when you read the paper or see the news. It has to change. I am one...be we are more.
And so it has been a year since we first met Marina, and when you go back to the first pictures of Marina and compare them to now, can you see what being a member of a family who loves her has done? Does not every child deserve to be loved? I cannot forget the alternative for her had we not gone. That alternative is a reality and a majority of what is happening to little children as our lives go on and we do not think about it or consider it because it is too sad or too difficult. But it is still real whether we admit it to ourselves or not.

Once our eyes are opened we cannot pretend we do not know what to do. Not everyone can adopt, but everyone can help. I hope that during Orphan awareness month you will be not just more aware, but will find a way to help be the voice of a child. I put this as a starting point just to make it easy for you. I know for a fact that these grants DO get handed to a family who will travel to bring a child home. Every dollar helps. It made it all possible for us. http://reecesrainbow.org/angeltreekids

I know the world is full of needs. I just can't think of one more important than helping a child who has no voice. When I think of the amount of money we spend here in America to dress our dogs for halloween I am utterly heart broken. This does not set well with me. No it is not my money to redistribute and delegate for the least of these... but it says alot about how callous our hearts have become in this world and our hearts need to be broken for these lost children...every single one of them. Together we can make a difference. I appreciate everyone who helped us bring Marina home. Instead of her sitting in an institution drugged and drooling, she is running in the surf and learning in a school surrounded by people who love her where she is a best friend to little girls named Mary, Nancy and Candace. She is a sister to Evan and a daughter to us. She is a cousin to Cole, Laurel, Leela Mae, CJ Mayfield and Forest, as well as those in Colorado she has not met yet. She is a grand-daughter who is doted on. She shares a joy that is indescribably rich about how her life is going to turn out now. That is a polar opposite to where she would be today had we not moved when God made a way. She had only a week before she would have been transferred to the mental institution, her original destiny. God is mighty, He can make a way for anyone to save a child from hopelessness. I am humbled and honored that He made a difference for Marina through us. Adding her to this family is the reason my sorrow has turned to joy as she joins hands with Evan walking down the hall at school and adds chaos and laughter as well as tears and teaching to our lives...she has been a gift from God to us, each of us. And we are a gift to her. There are more waiting for the gift of a family and the teaching of Love. Orphan awareness, the time to be aware is now.